staying behind the tendrils of shadow

by Aizan Fahri

I have a confession to make. This explains why I’m socially inert and my inclination to stay away from positioning myself as an influential figure in the community.

During my high school years, I positioned myself as a part of the Council of Prefects. My voice was respected once I echoed my standings. Not much backlashes, or if there were any backlashes I could easily ridicule ’em without pouring much effort or dripping a lot of sweat. The ones who could think better weren’t surely form 1, 2 and 3 students. Most form 4 students weren’t active voicing out voices professionally, and even form 5 students still had the child-like behavior.

This is my 19-year old reminiscing my 16-year old self. Back then, I was immature too. Thickheaded. Back then I felt like I was better than most students because I could talk. Talk here represents “a big word”. Not just talking in day-to-day conversation, but in such persuasive manner.

But, the same thing won’t happen during my college year. I sealed my influential attribute. I prefer to stay behind the shadow (or in the shadow… because it’s more like a Necromancer… hek).

I love observing and appraising mental state, that requires me to stay out of the community and watching them from an aerial view. The second reason is, my college is a pool of intellectuality, which is a common trait across the students here. A freaking big pool. Every voices, although sometimes opposing each other, seem like reasonable to be counted as viable and acceptable opinion.

Hence, I don’t need myself to voice out because my efforts are saved by someone else.

My saliva is gold, and I don’t think being a spendthrift is a good option.